I have been hesitant to write this article for a couple reasons. One is that I am an extremely private person, which is why I will not participate in any type of social networking or even blogging. I say what I need to say and couldn't care less whether people read it, agree with it, or "like" me. I have no ulterior motives whatsoever.
But the second reason is probably the bigger hindrance, and that is that what I have to say here is downright creepy and terrifying, yet I know that I am not alone in my experience. Therefore, what I am about to write must be written and those who can use this information to help untangle their own Gordian knots will open the door to escape wider.
As I have mentioned before, I've been involved in mind/body, metaphysical research for about 36 years. But it was probably 18-20 years ago that I reached a level way beyond my previous existence. I experienced a series of "health issues" that nearly killed me, and had I chosen to seek "medical" attention, I would probably not be alive today. It took just one very asshole doctor to make my decision to never go that route again. I began my immersion into self-healing with yoga, meditation, Chi-lel Qigong, Silva Mind Control, Reiki, Energy Interference Patterning, and finally the most beneficial: Shamanism. In addition, I absorbed every "alternative" book I could lay my hands upon. I had what came pretty close to a kundalini experience, and my life changed faster than I could deal with. All this, you would think, (or at least according to the most popular gurus of the time—Wayne Dyer, Shakti Gawain, Deepak Chopra—none of whom I follow any more)—you would think, would have "raised my vibration" to enable me to manifest the wonderful things in life that I sought. If you still are thinking along these lines, STOP, because it is all lies and crapola. The only positive effect it had was to make me work harder and keep moving forward. And once I reached that point of no return, I couldn't turn back I am thankful I kept going. I would not want tp be where the majority of people are today.
But, in any case, far from drawing my desires to me, the opposite happened. I began to lose the little I had in all areas. I kept positive, however, focusing on the old saying "When one door closes, another opens." That, my friends, is also a pile of rotting bullshit. In fact, I became surrounded by, really, quite a bit of evil, but by that time, I had become so decimated that I began to fear for my life. I remember so clearly, one day walking out in one of my fields, and seeing doors close on all side of me. I was locked in. I could see out, but had become nearly invisible to everyone. It began to take its effect. The phone stopped ringing. Opportunities vanished in thin air. I had to literally scratch and scrape just to barely survive. It was like I had dropped into a black hole, existing in two worlds and able to function in neither.
In desperation, I sought help from the "experts." Oh, good gracious, what an error. These were not just local scammers—in one instance, it was a "best-selling" author of psychic books who charged me a bundle to add to my depletion. Her name is Lynne Robinson, and looking back over the, probably 13 years, I can honestly say that she got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING RIGHT in her "psychic reading." After that, I became literally terrorized, frantically seeking someone who could tell me what was happening to me, because my life was accelerating in the opposite direction to where I was "visualizing" it to go. I finally had a series of Tarot readings that all said "total loss imminent." I felt like I was on my deathbed, and in fact I was.
It was shortly after this that I began writing for the Youngstown Vindicator. I was literally facing starvation and homelessness because nothing, and I do mean NOTHING of benefit was coming into my life. I worked for a man who was Features Editor at the time, named Michael McGowan, and he, without the ego and pomp of these new age phonies, became my guardian angel and my saving grace. I started a feature for the Vindicator on alternative healing, and also was the arts and entertainment editor during the long strike of the Vindicator's union workers. (I left ten years ago, but you may still read my articles online by Googling "L. Crow, Vindicator Correspondent.")
In any case, at the time, I found myself frequently at Villa Maria, Pennsylvania, the home of the local Sisters of the Humility of Mary, (at the time, at least, a quite radical bunch of nuns!). Since this order had its origins in France, on their large acreage they have a model of the labyrinth at Chartres Cathedral cut into the lawn, and very well maintained. One day, when I finished with the interview I had conducted there, I decided to walk the labyrinth. If you don't know, it is like a maze, and you are supposed to do it as a meditation. But in my case, as I looked at it, I knew when I reached the center, for me, it would be the abyss, death. But I also knew that I had to make this journey, come what may. And so I walked, slowly and carefully, making absolutely certain that I did not step over any of the lines. I felt like it was taking forever, slowly, stepping, wondering about my death, never looking up, until . . .
I realized I was stepping out of the labyrinth. I looked up and stared, dumbfounded. I never reached the center, yet that is the whole purpose of the maze, for most people. To this day, I do not know how that happened, but I left there, knowing I had avoided death, total loss. The tarot cards had lost. I had exceeded my sell-by date.
But it was shortly after, that I began to have an entirely different perception of the "Awakening" process, and it is pretty ugly, but honest, as opposed to the lies told by popular gurus who sell the idea of "shifting your consciousness in five easy steps" so they can make money at their clinics. I began to steer clear of everyone, trusting no one, especially "healers," and started writing things that most people dared not read. AND YET. . . most of what one reads now is what I was saying ten years ago—the truth about what is really happening on our planet, and it has nothing to do with love and light. It is incomprehensible evil, and I have the feeling that those of us who are still here fighting, have all exceeded our sell-by dates. I think the grand plan was to get rid of us. Believe me, I take nothing for granted, and live my life with extreme care and awareness, and for now, I am still alive but never over confident. Knowing now, what I do about this rogue software program running inside of us, I know that it is meant to kill me. My time is long expired, and it is by the weakening of this program that I have developed "fail-safes" like an internal Malwarebytes program to overwrite the effects of the software. (For more on this, please read The Man Behind the Curtain.)
For instance, one day, years ago, I was rebuilding a carburetor for a rototiller. I had all my nuts and bolts and parts on the porch on a tray, but the tiller was in front of the shed. It was a windy day, and I was walking with the tray down the driveway toward the shed. Right before I reached the tiller, I heard something drop from the tray. I bent down to pick it up, and as I did, a tall popular next to the shed blew down, right across the tiller, right where my neck would have been had I not bent down to see what I had dropped. Incidentally, after I recovered my wits, I realized that nothing had dropped from my tray. I still get the creeps when I think of it. But in any case, I have had this feeling of living on borrowed time for quite a while really, not a moment's peace for 18 years, and I mean that literally. The things that have happened to me are not a result of "drama" and "bad choices" as is often the case. (At least not now, though they were at some point.) However, it is getting less severe, as the old Operating System Planet Earth continues to break down and weaken. So where does that leave us and what should we do?
In my next article, I will discuss where I believe we are now and possible ways to escape it. And escape we must, because the whole system is crumbling now so fast, that to remain earth bound is not an option.
Laughing Crow is a modern-day Shaman
who has been immersed in the study of
metaphysics for over 35 years. She is an
organic farmer, environmentalist, animal
rights activist, artist, and holistic healer,
(and a little bit of a geek).
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